I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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