Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
