She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
