she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
