They have a pepper shaker for pot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
