I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's always time for handjobs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
