I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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