I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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