just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i now understand why vodka
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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