They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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