also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
