Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
