My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you had me at cake vodka
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
