I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
