Can i not drive my cunt home
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
