I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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