who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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