It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
