You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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