My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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