even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
