I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
