Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
