absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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