i already hear my dad disowning me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
