Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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