im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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