Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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