This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
