White coat. Heels.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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