By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
