I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
