I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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