When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize