That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
