What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
