carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
