Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
