Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
