they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
