He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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