its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
