I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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