So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
