he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
