Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
