I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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