She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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