Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
