I got chris browned last night
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
