Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
