She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
