ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
