Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
