I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
