I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
