I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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