I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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