i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
