YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
