Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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