I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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