I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
