Slut skills are useful in every country.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
