a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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