im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
