How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize